The bad news has been thick this week. My brother’s cancer got more complicated. Democrats lost their super-majority in the Senate after using it to accomplish … exactly nothing, no universal health care, no climate bill, no nothing. (I don’t see what’s so “super” about that). Haiti, a country with a tragic history but that seemed to be on a slow path of progress, suffered yet another massive tragedy. And finally, the supreme court decided to make it official that corporations run America.
The injustice of all this is enough to make a good man sit down at the bar and cry into his draft beer.
Draft beer. Ah, at least we have that. The one thing that reliably helps make sense of a world in chaos, or at least makes it briefly more tolerable. But this is where the news gets worse. This comforting crutch of man has crossed over into the chaos.
I am referring, of course, to draft beer in a bottle.
In a nutshell, or in a bottle as the case may be, draft beer in a bottle represents everything wrong with the world today. Greedy corporate pigdogs lying outright and getting away with it — nay, even succeeding as a result of it. According to dictionary.com, the term “draft beer” is a noun, originating in 1780-90, meaning: beer drawn or available to be drawn from a cask or barrel. So, putting beer in a bottle and calling it draft is simply lying. It is a lie, people. And we accept these corporate lies every day. They sell us pig shit and call it baby back ribs.
This week has been bad enough. So to come home yesterday and find free beer in the mail was kind of like winning the booby prize — yes, I lost the game but at least I get a beer. But then I opened the box and found a bottle of Tsingtao “Pure Draft Beer.” Yes, it is pure alright. Pure bullshit. You are kicking a man when he is down, Tsingtao.
I’ve had it. This is what I think of your “draft” beer in a bottle, you liars.